I just started therapy again and I couldn’t be more elated and excited about the process. It’s painful but diamonds are created from pressure. I’ve been struggling with a few areas of my life and rather than continue to deal with myself I decided to elicit the support of a professional to help me sift through my troubles and elevate as high as I can possibly be. I’m all about reflecting, accepting, apologizing, acknowledging behavioral patterns and working hard to smooth out destructive or limiting behavior. I have every intention of working hard on my businesses and dreams along with working hard to improve and repair my relationships. I want to raise a child who doesn’t have to heal from trauma inflicted on him during his childhood. The least I can do is seek help and work on my roadblocks.

The first week of counseling, I realized I was completely disconnected from who I truly am. I went through a very jarring transition as a stay at home/work from home mom the first year. My experience isn’t uncommon but it was new and terrifying for me. I felt like I was lost in sea of sleepless nights, breastfeeding, breast milk blowout diapers and not achieving a damn thing in the process. Yes, you read that right, I felt like not only was I new mom but I was a new mom who hadn’t done much (In my brain) and now I have a little peanut looking up to me and my accomplishments. Although, I was working on my goals through classes and editing projects, pro bono while pregnant or with a newborn, I didn’t feel like I was at the stage of my career I should have been in. I had to look in the mirror and examine why I felt so low about myself. Why was I constantly comparing myself to peers? Was social media to blame or was I just not talented? These are just a few of the personal areas I’m working on and I hope to get a hold of. I know that I have the power to control these limiting beliefs about myself but somehow; I lost the ability to love myself unconditionally. This, like everything else, is a journey I will forever be on.

I feel like in the last few weeks I’ve gained some valuable insights about life and the journey we are all on. Our purpose to learn from each experience, good or bad, and accept that everything has a divine purpose and its best to not dwell on the situations that have disappointed us. That’s not always easy to do because our society has created a checks and balances journey competition we all seem to be on with each other which just makes most of us insecure and some of us crazy. We owe ourselves the opportunity to experience life with wonder, exhilaration and sit in the pain when we need to. We need to learn to give each other and ourselves more compassion. The machine of capitalism has taken a mental toll on so many of us and its high time we disconnect and reflect and seek help to do so if need be. We all deserve more happiness.

There is more growth to come.